poetry collection // accepting losses
beg
there’s a hole in me again,
loneliness, the ever lingering friend,
makes a home of me as i mend,
the brokenness i beg to end
– january 19th 2026 // 8:01pm
notes
in your summer i was golden,
in your winter i was blue,
it wasn’t truth that you were telling,
still your alchemy bled through,
hope in your hands as you touched me,
disguised aches down my veins as you left,
there are always reasons to walk away,
and you cradled them like the notes i kept.
– january 25th 2026 // 4:48pm
leftovers
if you’re done with me
you’re done with me
no more leftovers
demanding finality
from lips that salivate
in waves
i stake your words in
proof as my teeth elongate
and you remember why
i become each fear you festered
behind yearning eyes
dreams and nightmares
remind you
you’re done with me
so be done with me
my hand still open in my grave
outstretched
to you,
always
– february 6th 2026 // 8:19am
jokes
you make jokes of little failures
in the humans all around you
telling on your own mind
if no one can rest in your eyes,
how can you?
– february 21st 2026 // 6:56pm
staring
you can become a million things
or you can become none of them,
but it’ll be up to you.
it always will be, it always has been.
there are moments when time sit still
and asks of you:
“what’s next?”
i’ve stared at my hands for too long
wondering about the ways they might
mold the entirety of the world
instead of letting them shape my own.
– february 26th 2026 // 9:14am
reality
in the duality of life,
i walk along a path,
my gaze from my feet
to the distantly close mountain
catches me in the space
between the teeth of my thoughts
and the echoes of them across my mind
called to the ever present
and the distant past of it
caught between the scissors
of feeling and thought
continously pulled into the moment
only to drift back into the mind
connections forging
from senses i do not yet know
teaching me things
i cannot yet vocalize
and so i think
and feel
and reality
becomes real
– february 26th 2026 // 11:14am
back in it
i gave you all of me
but it was never enough
where did the lines get drawn
when you lost all my trust
still trying to feel them out
still trying to understand you now
and though i could not admit it
i was glad they put me back in it
– february 28th 2026 // 9:09am
(to hozier’s francesca)
threads
i’ve lost you twice now
the first, i clung to hope,
in my heart, feeling the thread between us not yet broken.
the second, i couldn’t feel anything.
you wake up from that in the only way you can,
acceptance.
and now we stand here,
like two kids playing chicken.
and when i tell you that i’m not going to move,
you question it.
it was never me with the scissors in my hand.
i watch you waiting,
knowing i’ll let you carve whatever you want into me.
no longer promising to remain whole through it all.
you can cut the thread,
if you can find it.
but i think i’m myself again.
i watch you scramble back.
finally realizing that i’ve freed myself from all your puppet strings.
can you love me this way?
or was the freedom you craved hypocritical?
freedom for you and a cage for me?
and does that make me not good enough anymore?
not worth it anymore?
i no longer care.
at the risk of all your love,
i will forever choose myself.
and i meant it when i promised i’d stay.
i can’t bring myself to trust that you meant the same.
after all,
it was never me who cut the thread.
– march 19th 2026 // 9:59am
kaleidoscope
and suddenly stories became an acknowledgement that we would survive the change. that the change wouldn’t swallow us whole. but some changes do. some changes are a loss of ones identity, soul, or body. how then do we survive? how many stories have been told representing a survival of these losses? we become static images and memories attached to all we leave behind. the final mystery. a person who lived. a person who experienced. and one that can never be experienced again. the final change that claims a human is still only one mirrored shard in a kaleidoscope of existence. and regardless of how you might try to encompass it, you’ll find your understanding paltry in the light of that kaleidoscope.
abyss
spent my life deeper in the abyss than most
but here we must establish the boundaries of the abyss
the contents thereof
that we might determine the very matter
in which i’m saying i’ve been swimming in
and claim to be swimming in
more often
or
‘deeper’
than most.
as if i’ve learned to hold my breath a little longer
suspend my disbelief,
surround myself with infinity
and senselessness
and the interconnectedness of all things
long enough to have a claim such as this.
that i’ve swam in the abyss,
and now,
the abyss swims in me.
overwhelm
let it hurt
i know it’s overwhelming.
i know it’s swallowing you whole.
but let it.
allow it to burn your insides
and hollow you out
otherwise it will live there
and fester
and take up space you never wanted it to.
forgive yourself
or there won’t be space inside for you to gather
all the things you love.
either drown or allow yourself to change
– dateless, sometime between march 2026 – june 29th 2026
poor things
poor things, fake mirrorings
in eyes a state of grey
like june’s costal clouds
after the month of may
a remembrance of spring
in the breaking of summer days
the life you see now
only possible by the rain
– dateless, sometime between march 2026 – june 29th 2026
people watch
i people watch for you
at some point
i started looking everyone in the eye
which became more about survival
than anything else.
survival was likely the only reason it started.
after all,
we did bleed through our stomach at eight
poisoned by everything we had swallowed down already
secrets that weren’t mine
betrayals they thought i didn’t understand
why didn’t humans like learning about other humans?
why did they always use it against
instead of discovering, connecting?
an ache as old as time
how much longer than humanity
has curiosity been alive?
curious was the cat
in a number innumerable to our comprehension
so i ask of everything
and i ask everyone
how long does love exist?
how long has it?
the gun held to the back of my head
as i’ve knelt to gods that never knew my name
was only ever in my own hands
dark link
the thought enters
i blink
ah, yes
we’ve all only ever been human.
you fragmented
split into billions
innumerable
became one/billionths innumerable
of an infinity
it’s you and the universe
holding hands.
look,
mira,
como el cuerpo
y el mente.
– dateless, sometime between march 2026 – june 29th 2026
from annelise to you: you change the world by being alive in it. to be alive is to try. we all fuck it up.